1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,680 Michael! Michael! 2 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:06,040 SEAGULLS CAW 3 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,040 Were they barbecuing last night? Who? 4 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,600 Him, next door, and his girlfriend. 5 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,640 His name's Michael and she's not his girlfriend. 6 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:54,960 Right, well, whoever she is. Anyway, how do you know? 7 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,520 I bumped into her at the shop. 8 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:58,720 Kacey. She's nice. Whatever. 9 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:01,920 Right, they were barbecuing, because I smelled it. 10 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:03,440 It was just a bonfire. 11 00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:07,240 There are coals on our drive. 12 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,440 Right? They're chucking barbecue coals on our drive. 13 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:13,240 What? Why? 14 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,000 I've no idea why. 15 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,120 Why would someone chuck barbecue coals? 16 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,760 I have no idea what goes through that man's head. OK? 17 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,840 It's some sort of game he's playing with me. Thinks he can get to me. 18 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:26,039 You know, thinks he can get under my skin. 19 00:01:26,039 --> 00:01:27,720 RINGING TONE 20 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,160 Who are you phoning? 21 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:34,200 The council. Antisocial behaviour. 22 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,280 It's only eight o'clock. There'll be no-one there. 23 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:40,560 Right. I've got to go. 24 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:43,680 Go and knock on for him and tell him to clean it up. 25 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,880 But take photos first, all right? For evidence. 26 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:49,039 And then phone the council and report it. 27 00:01:49,039 --> 00:01:50,840 Antisocial behaviour. 28 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:52,560 Yes, sir. 29 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:54,520 The Wise Man's Song by Cinder Wells 30 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,600 Hi, Hilary. 31 00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:44,640 OK, I'll come over. 32 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:56,680 Oh, hello, love. 33 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,560 Thanks for ringing. Is he OK? 34 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,560 I don't know, love. He's stressing about something, 35 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,040 but I can't figure it out. I don't think he really knows. 36 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,120 He's in his room. Cheers. 37 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:27,240 Oh... Oh, it's you. They better not have called you. 38 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:30,280 Did they call you? I've just come to see you, like I always do. 39 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:31,800 I told them not to disturb you. 40 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,440 What's up, Dad? Hilary says you're getting stressed. 41 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:39,160 Are you worried about something? 42 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:42,360 It's all this toot, you know, crowding me in. 43 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:45,200 I-I-I'll have to sort it out. I can't find anything. 44 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:46,520 OK, I can help you with that. 45 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:47,880 Is there something that you're looking for? 46 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:51,320 Yeah, well, what was it he said was lost? 47 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:52,520 Something hidden. 48 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:54,120 Sorry, who's this? Him! 49 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:57,320 Him who came looking for something. 50 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,880 A book, a bird book. 51 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:01,800 Dad, you're getting in a state now. You're getting right confused. 52 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:05,080 They're constantly getting at me, asking me to find things. 53 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,280 OK, I'll tell you what, I can take some away today. 54 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,520 Let's fill a box with stuff that you don't think you'll need, and I'll 55 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,320 keep it at my house until you need it again. 56 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:15,080 No, you can throw it all away. I don't want any of it. It's all junk. 57 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:18,279 Come on, Dad, let's sort through some and we can take it from there. 58 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:22,880 What you got there? 59 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,000 It's my old pal Vic Wiffen. 60 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,320 Passed away. 61 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,160 Not, uh, not many of us left now. 62 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:32,560 Oh, I'm sorry, Dad. That's your friend from Canada. 63 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:36,240 Yeah, yeah. I got a letter from him only a week ago. 64 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:41,200 I was always going to go and visit him but, uh, too late now. 65 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,480 Did you just find this? 66 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:45,600 Hmm? 67 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:46,920 Nothing. 68 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:49,920 You say you had a letter from him last week? 69 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,840 Couple of days ago. It's on the side there. 70 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,720 He asked about you. 71 00:04:58,720 --> 00:04:59,960 Always asked about you. 72 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:32,600 Legend. 73 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:38,440 Excuse me. 74 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,720 Hello, love. Do you sell tit boxes? 75 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,880 Tit boxes? 76 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:44,920 Yes. 77 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:49,159 Boxes for...? Tits. 78 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:51,480 Hmm... 79 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:55,440 Blue tits? 80 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:58,920 Like a nesting box? Yes. 81 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:02,800 They'll be in the garden section if we have them. It's, er... 82 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,120 I'm sorry, it doesn't look like we do. 83 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,120 Oh, well. 84 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:19,040 I tell you what, I might be able to help. 85 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,840 Might you? Yeah, think so. 86 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:25,320 Can you come back in, like, an hour? 87 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,840 Yeah, all right. I'll go do the rest of my shopping. 88 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,520 Smashing. See you back here. 89 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,960 In an hour? That's it. 90 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,920 Nine Pound Hammer by Little Grasscals 91 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:22,840 Michael, what the hell...? 92 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:27,480 DRILL WHIRS 93 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,080 What the he...? 94 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,080 DRILL WHIRS 95 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:35,559 What are you doing? 96 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:38,000 Tit box. 97 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,600 Customer wanted one. 98 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:43,080 Michael, what's wrong with you? This is not a... 99 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,480 We don't... If we don't sell 100 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:48,040 something, we don't make it on... Oh, here she comes. 101 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,520 Hello, madam. There you go. 102 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:53,120 Oh, that's lovely, thank you! 103 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:54,440 Hello, Gordon. 104 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:55,880 Hello, Mrs Stewart. 105 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:57,480 How's your mum? She all right? 106 00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,440 She's well, thank you, Mrs Stewart. 107 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:00,760 How much is this? 108 00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:08,880 Erm, it's on us, Mrs Stewart, with our compliments. 109 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:13,040 Thanks! Give my love to your mum. 110 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:14,400 Bye, love. 111 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,920 Why didn't we come back to work yesterday? 112 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:25,000 "We"? You. 113 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,880 You said "don't bother coming back". 114 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:28,880 As a threat! 115 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:32,400 As in, "if you leave, don't bother coming back because you're fired". 116 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:36,000 An employer is not allowed to refuse an employee reasonable time off 117 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:40,840 in order to deal with an unexpected event involving a dependant. 118 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,360 Well... Because that would be unfair dismissal. 119 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:46,080 I... And you would be guilty of unfair dismissal. 120 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,880 I... And I would take you to court for unfair dismissal. 121 00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:51,960 Get this cleaned up. 122 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,120 All right? 123 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:28,160 Yeah. 124 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:31,240 Here, listen to this. 125 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:35,320 My dad got this letter from his friend in Canada. All right. 126 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:37,600 "Dear Brian, thank you for your last letter. 127 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:41,440 "All's well here across the pond although the winter's still..." 128 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:42,600 Goes on a bit. 129 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:48,200 And then, "How's your boy Michael? 130 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:52,360 "I'm always interested to hear what he's up to. Is he well? 131 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,520 "Did he ever find a new partner and settle down? 132 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,280 "Is he happy these days? I hope so." 133 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,240 Blah, blah, blah... "Your dear friend, Vic." 134 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:04,160 So? 135 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:06,360 Well, number one, I don't think I've ever met the bloke, so I don't know 136 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,160 why he's so interested in what I'm up to. 137 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,520 Well, he's just being friendly. 138 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,440 And number two, he died over a decade ago. 139 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,160 Died? 140 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:18,520 Passed away, dead, in 2009. 141 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,480 And how old's the letter? 142 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,880 Written two weeks ago. 143 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,240 Canada? Yep. 144 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:31,960 Are you sure he's dead? 145 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,200 I've seen the order of service from the funeral. 146 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,360 I googled him, found his obituary. He's dead all right. 147 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,080 Weird. 148 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,800 Can ghosts write letters? 149 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,320 I know they can't lick stamps. 150 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:45,920 METALLIC SQUEAK 151 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:52,280 All right, Michael? 152 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:55,080 Hello, Brigham. 153 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,120 Kacey? Brigham. 154 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:01,280 He was slagging you off yesterday. Gordon. Oh, yeah? 155 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,680 When you didn't come back to work. Said he was going to fire you. 156 00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:06,040 Yeah? Not that bothered. 157 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:09,800 Not bothered about getting fired? 158 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,760 Not really, if I'm honest. 159 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,240 Don't... 160 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:16,640 You don't want to... 161 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,560 Are you OK? 162 00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:24,520 .. get yourself fired, mate. 163 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:25,680 Why not? 164 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,160 Who's going to make me laugh? 165 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,160 Who's going to come to work on a long bike? 166 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:37,760 Be shit without you here, mate. 167 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:44,160 Right. Erm, cheers, Brigham. 168 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:46,520 Whatever! 169 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,120 Hello? It's Roy. 170 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,920 Can you speak? Not really. 171 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,360 I need to come over to the house with a surveyor. 172 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:34,840 Why? When? 173 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:37,680 You know why. 174 00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,040 When? 175 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,400 When's convenient? None! No time! 176 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,360 OK. Well, I'm going to come now. You can't - look, it's, it's not... 177 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:02,600 Hey, how are you doing, Michael? 178 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,920 Yeah, not bad. Er, I was just wondering if you had an update 179 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,360 on the hedge situation? 180 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:12,240 Yeah. Er, no. I'm sorry, I don't know. 181 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:16,000 Well, I think the chaffinches might be gone by now, so... 182 00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:20,200 You had a bird book the other day. 183 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,600 Yeah. The chaffinches. 184 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:22,880 Where did you get it from? 185 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:25,440 The book? Yes. 186 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,040 Um, I think it was my dad's. 187 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:30,360 My dad's? 188 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:31,720 No, MY dad's. 189 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,960 Did you go and see my dad? 190 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,440 Your dad? Yes. At the nursing home? 191 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:41,560 Your dad? And ask him for a bird book? 192 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:44,640 You what? Sorry, I don't think I understand this conversation. 193 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:45,920 Yes. 194 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:47,200 It's confusing. 195 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,440 Old Enough by Cinder Well 196 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,680 Oh, shit. 197 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:40,000 Hello, Michael. I'm sorry. I'm not doing this to be a shit. 198 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,680 But, erm, I'm desperate, mate. 199 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:44,400 I'm bankrupt. 200 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:48,040 It's been a long time coming and this house, it belongs to me. 201 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,160 Sorry. Who's that? 202 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:51,480 She's a surveyor. 203 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:54,760 I just wanted her to come and have a look around so we can figure out 204 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:58,880 what needs to be done before people can start viewing the property. 205 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:02,320 Nice to meet you, Michael. 206 00:17:04,319 --> 00:17:07,319 So, can we, erm... Can we come in, please? 207 00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:09,640 Well, I've set some chairs up in the garden, actually. 208 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,640 We've come to see the house, mate, not the garden. 209 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:14,160 Well, you need to give me more time to tidy up and stuff. 210 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:17,720 Hey! I need some more time to tidy up. Roy! 211 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:21,599 Jesus Christ, what is all this shit? What are you stockpiling? 212 00:17:21,599 --> 00:17:23,480 It's this way. Come through. 213 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:29,880 Come through. It's this way. 214 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:34,720 Erm... 215 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:39,760 Oh, my God, look at this! 216 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,280 It's Christmas, 1979! 217 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,040 There's me, Mum, Clea. 218 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,760 Yeah, would you like to come through? 219 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,160 The Action Man helicopter. 220 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:56,000 Mum thought it came with an Action Man, but didn't. 221 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,040 I never did get an Action Man. 222 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:06,360 It's this way. 223 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:12,920 What's that? 224 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,080 Manure. 225 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:15,160 Stinks. 226 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:22,680 The house is going on the market in three weeks' time, Michael. 227 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:23,960 Three weeks? 228 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:28,280 Sorry, Michael, you've got no choice. It's going to happen. 229 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,200 I'm sorry, I thought you were a surveyor. Solicitor. 230 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:32,960 You said that she was a surveyor. 231 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,760 Did I? I meant solicitor. 232 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,440 Well, I'll need to talk to my solicitor. 233 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:41,160 You don't have a solicitor. Then I shall get a solicitor. 234 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:43,920 You should get one. I'm going to get a solicitor. 235 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:47,360 It would be much easier if I had a lawyer to deal with. 236 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,960 Easier? For who? 237 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,600 For everyone, Michael. Christ! 238 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:54,480 Do not make this more difficult than it needs to be, please. 239 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,680 And the house obviously needs to be cleared. 240 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,200 What's in the boxes? I don't know. 241 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,200 What do you mean, you don't know? I mean, I don't know. 242 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,640 I don't know what's in the boxes. They're not mine. 243 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,320 Well, whose are they, then? They're your sister's. 244 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,840 They're Clea's. 245 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:14,720 It's stock that she left behind in locks-ups when she went. 246 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,240 Second-hand books, I think, mainly. 247 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:22,160 Right, well we can help you to get rid of them. 248 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:23,520 Oh, get rid of them? 249 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,240 To figure out what to do with them. 250 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:39,840 So, what else do you need to know? 251 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:42,640 So much, mate. 252 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:45,200 So much. 253 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,600 Hiya, it's me. 254 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,560 Do you want to come round? 255 00:19:58,560 --> 00:19:59,960 It's time. 256 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,480 I think we should probably wear these too, 257 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,160 just to be on the safe side. No, mate. 258 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,400 Look, whatever's supposed to have happened to them in their little 259 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,960 shit pit, has either happened or it hasn't, right? 260 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,720 Me wearing a Dunelm dressing gown isn't going to change anything. 261 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,080 Fair enough. 262 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:33,000 Right, I'm going in. 263 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:37,400 OK. 264 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,720 Hello, Kacey. Hiya, Bev. 265 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,560 This is Clive, my husband. Clive, this is Kacey. 266 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,320 Oh, cool. How are you doing, Kacey? 267 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,240 Has he got you slaving, has he? 268 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:54,560 Slaving? No, mate, I'm just... I'm just helping out. 269 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,600 Oh, God, yeah. Probably can't say that nowadays. 270 00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,320 No, you can't. Yeah. 271 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,560 It's a minefield, isn't it? Yeah, not really. 272 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:02,920 What are you wearing that for? 273 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:04,920 Well, I don't want to get dirty, do I, Bev? 274 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:06,160 You wally! 275 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,160 Right, I'll see you later, love. See ya. See you later, Kacey. 276 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,920 Why do you always do that? Do what? 277 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,600 Pretend to be nice. What the hell's that supposed to mean? 278 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:18,480 Well, I know you're going to say something 279 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:19,800 fucking horrible about her now. 280 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,880 Oh, I can't find 'em! What...? 281 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,880 They must've sunk into the ground. 282 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,680 They should be right here. 283 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:37,000 Argh! 284 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,800 Ah! Oh! 285 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,400 MUD SQUELCHES 286 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,360 Kacey, I nearly went under! 287 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,760 What the...? What's going on? Where are they? 288 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,240 I don't know. Just wa... Wait, wait. 289 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,280 Hold me arm. I am! 290 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:59,240 OK, OK, I've got 'em. Yeah, they've gone right under. 291 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,600 Oh. Pull us out. 292 00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,280 Argh! 293 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,320 We're going to have to rethink this. 294 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:17,960 I can feel it. 295 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:20,160 Is it the right way up? 296 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,000 Yeah, I've got it by its neck. 297 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,200 Right, give it a gentle pull. 298 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:28,840 Here it comes. 299 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:29,960 Gently. 300 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:44,560 You got it? Yeah. 301 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:46,240 OK, take her inside. 302 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,000 STRAINING 303 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,000 Here she comes. 304 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,240 I've got her. 305 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,200 Hurry up! 306 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:25,840 All right! Bloody hell. 307 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,400 Here. 308 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:38,600 Ugh! Yeah. 309 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,280 They've grown. 310 00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,680 Have they reached the stage of whatever? 311 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:20,560 The state of divination. 312 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,760 I don't know. 313 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:24,200 How do you find out? 314 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,000 I have to ask 'em a question. 315 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,680 Go on, then. 316 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,120 I don't know what to ask. Mate, you told me what you wanted to ask. 317 00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:41,480 Yeah, but we should ask them a test question first. 318 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,400 You know, see if it works. 319 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,840 So, what can they answer questions on? Anything. 320 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,600 The future, the past, anything. 321 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:56,240 OK. OK, yeah. 322 00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:59,360 We'll use these. 323 00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:02,640 Yeah? Pick a card and get it to tell us what it is. 324 00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:04,160 OK. Yeah. 325 00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:05,920 How will it tell us? Mate, I don't know. 326 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,000 Go on, ask it. Talk to it. 327 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:16,960 Do you want to play cards? 328 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,440 Yeah? Cards? Your Majesty. 329 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:25,920 Oh, yeah. Sorry. Erm, would you like to play cards, Your Majesty? 330 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,320 OK! 331 00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:33,760 Er, OK, erm, Your Majesty, 332 00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:37,920 what card will I take from the top of the deck? 333 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:44,600 Whoa! Oh, my God. 334 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:46,080 The four of hearts. 335 00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:49,640 Wait. Shuffle them again. 336 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:50,960 Why? He's chosen. 337 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,400 Yeah, but if he's predicting the future, you can shuffle them again. 338 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,320 You can shuffle them as many times as you like. 339 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:56,680 It won't make a difference. 340 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:03,880 Once more. 341 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,200 Holy shit! 342 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,640 OK! 343 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,440 All right, Your Majesty, again. 344 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,080 Seven of diamonds? 345 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:34,960 Well, I guess it works! 346 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:39,240 OK! OK, so we know that they can predict the future. 347 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,760 What else can they do? Can they... Can they solve a crime? 348 00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:44,080 Tell you your deepest secret? I suppose so. 349 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:46,840 What about someone else's secret? Yeah. I suppose. 350 00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:50,080 Your Majesty, I would like you to tell me... 351 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,440 .. when was the last time Michael cried? 352 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:54,360 Whoa! Whoa! Hang on, no. I'm just asking her a question! 353 00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:55,880 You can't do that! 354 00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:06,440 Did you cry at Brokeback Mountain? Well, I mean, 355 00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:09,280 you know, it's a sad film. Brilliant! 356 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,440 OK, what else? What else can we ask? 357 00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:13,240 Are there any sports happening now? 358 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,680 There must be, somewhere in the world, right? 359 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:21,160 Yes! Here. Copenhagen versus Skanderborg, 360 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,280 Danish women's handball. 361 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:24,960 There's, like, ten minutes left. 362 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,720 OK, OK, so what do we ask? 363 00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:29,520 Your Majesty, 364 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:33,360 right now, Ajax Kobenhavn... 365 00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:35,120 It's "eye-ax". 366 00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:39,240 .. are playing Skanderborg at home in Denmark. 367 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:42,680 Can you tell me, will Copenhagen win? 368 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:48,600 OK. So the other team, Skanderborg, are going to win? 369 00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:52,200 And what will the final score be? 370 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,200 31-29. 371 00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:59,400 OK. What's the score now? 372 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:00,880 28 all. 373 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:02,080 Come on! 374 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:04,560 DANISH COMMENTARY 375 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:15,720 KACEY SQUEALS, MICHAEL LAUGHS 376 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:17,640 Oh, my God! 377 00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:21,440 Come here!